Case for Separate Bedrooms: Readers Speak Openly

Readers weigh in on the benefits of separate bedrooms

May 13, 2011

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As a divorced woman, I am delighted to be on my own sleep timetable. In fact, I worry, What if I meet a guy I like?

Recently readers enlightened me by commenting on my article about separate bedrooms and whether they save or destroy a marriage. I am grateful to those who shared their experiences so openly. Below I share several of the comments with you.

My husband and I have separate bedrooms during the week. He is retired and I am still working. I go to bed earlier and get up way earlier. I don't want him waking me up and he doesn't want the alarm clock waking him up. Works great.

My husband tosses and turns and sometimes flails his arms in his sleep. He also wakes up to use the bathroom several times a night. I was always tired during the day until he started sleeping on the couch. I feel so refreshed in the morning now. We are planning to invest in twin beds so we can sleep in the same room.

I snore big time and it drives my husband crazy. It was really becoming a problem. Now when I snore, he nudges me and I just get up and sleep in a another room. Then we both get a good nite sleep. He also likes to have the dog sleep on the bed... only a double so it's really cramped.

My husband of 36 years and I have had separate bedrooms for about 3 years. He snores, gets up multiple times in the night, and because he is large, if he so much as turns over it wakes me up. I toss & turn all night, I stay up later than him, watch TV in bed, and sleep later in the morning. I like a very firm mattress, he likes a soft one. Sex doesn't enter into it for us because he stopped caring about 5 years ago. I figure if I'm not going to get sex anyway, then I might as well get a good night's sleep. I love sleeping alone. Miss sex like crazy, but he's never had much of a libido, and now has none, and doesn't care enough to do anything about it. I'm too old now to start looking again, so I just try to make the best of it. And at least I sleep well now.

My girlfriend and I have had seperate bedrooms going on 3 yrs now. She snores and flops like a fish at night. She goes to bed earlier and I go to bed later and wake up later. A good night's sleep is important to both of us. When we slept together we were sometimes moody and irritable throughout the day. Seperate beds has solved that. We make time for intamacy and will sometimes sleep together. Our relationship couldn't be stronger. You have to do what works not what is considered normal.

We are in our mid and late 60's and have had seperate bedrooms for 10 years. I believe that it does affect intimacy negatively but as one gets into the 60's and beyond, it becomes obvious that there are only 3 things that really are necessary to maintain a reasonable level of happiness: 1. food-enough to satisfy 2. a nice private bathroom with a comfortable toilet 3. a bedroom and bed of your own where you can have a good night's sleep without interruptions such as idle talking, rolling elbowing, snoring,farting, cold/heat issues, and ample bed space. Intimacy issues, sweet talk, and important talk can all be worked into every day time schedules so seperate bedrooms do not fatally injure the relationship!
To the person who cannot imagine even one good reason to sleep separately I have dozens I can give you. My husband is an active duty soldier. He just finished his third deployment. He's been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once in just a few years. I've slept alone for 3 years of my marriage, and everytime he comes home we have to deal with the struggles of being on different schedules and his PTSD and combat stress issues. We sleep apart so that I can get the rest I need to support him and keep the household together. If marriages can survive multiple deployments they can survive separate bedrooms, if both partners want them to.
My husband and I have used separate beds for years. It is the only way we both get a good nights sleep. Before the separate beds we were always tired and didn't get along very well. Now we enjoy each others company and as for the sex, it's better. It's fun to have him sneek in to my bed or my going to his. It's like being kids again and I like knowing his choice is to find me or I find him. It's not just rolling over and grabbing a person for a quickie. We have been married for over 26 years and still going strong. It's easier to get along with some when you have a good night sleep and to H#* with what others think. If it works for you go for it.

I am on the fence about separate bedrooms, but separate bathrooms are a MUST. Also, I would be happy having separate "TV" rooms as well.

Help keep the conversation going and let me know what you think about separate bedrooms!

ON A RELATED NOTE, IS INSOMNIA A PROBLEM? IF SO, CHECK OUT SOME GREAT TIPS.

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