Home for the Holidays: Holiday Activities and Family Traditions with my Adult Children

Holiday activities with my adult children when they come home for the holidays keep our family traditions intact, even though our original family is not intact.

As is true for many divorced parents, having to share the children during holidays is one of the hardest parts of being a reconfigured family.

A few summers after our separation, my ex, our three daughters and I began taking beach vacations together  and now it's been eight years that we have been doing so with great success.

When our kids were still living at home, Christmastime was different. Against the advice of a therapist, whom my ex and I were seeing to help figure out custody arrangements, I agreed for the girls to be with his family over Christmas, rather than alternating years.

Though we are Jewish, Christmas had always been an important and festive family time, and we had always spent that week with my ex's extended family; I didn't want to take that away from the kids. Also, the girls spent Thanksgiving and spring break with me.

Now that our daughters are in their twenties, the arrangements are more free form. However, I still adhere to the traditions I'd established after the divorce.

Our family has a history of minimizing the importance of calendar dates. One year we had a Passover seder with my parents in July, because we hadn't been able to get to Florida to see them in April that year.

So, after the divorce, I decided we would have our own style of Christmakkah, regardless of when, creating new traditions and packing that time with fun activities.

This year, my three offspring and granddog will be home with my dog Casey and me for several days before Christmas, and then we will go to New York for the girls to be with their dad's family.

A few nights ago, I sent an email to my daughters with a proposed activity schedule. I maintain a file of activity lists to consult at times like this.

Though you may have a family of boys who would rather play touch football than decorate chocolate houses (apologies for sounding sexist), this will give you an idea of how we do it. And, of course, you don't have to be divorced to lay out a plan like ours.

Notes

• Cook dinner is a whole bonding activity for us, though other families may bond over take-out menus. We love to hang out in the kitchen together. My middle daughter is a gourmet cook and my oldest makes great salads. Now that my youngest is out of college and in the work force, she is becoming an awesome cook too.
• I am everyone's sous chef.
• My philosophy is to always be rested and not have to rush to get to sleep early. Eating is for when we are hungry, sleeping is for when we are tired. I oppose getting up early to seize the day and, as a result, only half-enjoying things because we are sleepy.
• About our holiday shopping spree and gift-giving tradition: We are four and we each start out with $60 to spend, half provided by me. The original idea started out that we each spend $20 on the other three: one "big" present for around $15, and one small for $5.
• We often pair up to join funds and give, fewer, but bigger presents.
• Lest this sound a bit too Currier and Ives, Norman Rockwell, Ozzie and Harriet, we are like any other family and I remind myself to expect the usual ups and downs. That said, I'd rather be home in tinsel heaven than anywhere an airplane could fly me. That's me.
• Speaking of tinsel, you can read about my attraction to tinsel on my blog Confessions of a Worrywart. On my Home Goes Strong bio, you can find links to my articles and blogs.

Email to my daughters:

Can't wait to all be together!

Some of this may change, depending on what all of you want to do. Some things can be switched to other days. There can also be flexibility in terms of 1 or 2 or 3 of you joining; I'll be available 24/7, duh!

This is just a guide with some ideas. Send us yours as well—movie ideas, etc.

In general, I propose sleeping in and having quiet time by the fire every day for reading and/or working, etc.

All movies at home will include Mommy Popcorn.

We can start Hanukkah earlier if you want, though no guarantee of extra presents.

No doubt, more ideas will strike me over the next week or so.

Does this remind you of summer activity lists from the 90's?

Day 1

Cook dinner (our new easy-peasy chili?)

Maybe watch a movie on DVR or DVD. Has anyone seen Moonstruck, Hatchi: A Dog's Tale or Baby Boom? Also nearly anything Audrey Hepburn, Diane Keaton, Sidney Poitier (Patch of Blue?). If not, any ideas?

Day 2

Late breakfast—should we use some recipes, like Viennese puff pancake, from my breakfast article?

Target or other gift-shopping spree

Come home, gift wrap

Quiet time

Cook dinner

Games and/or movie at home.

Day 3

Late breakfast (ideas from my healthy breakfast post)

Open presents

Make chocolate houses

Quiet time

Dinner at Hinode for Japanese buffet

Go to a movie

Day 4

Light breakfast

Go to Bethesda to Louisiana Kitchen for beignets and café au lait, stroll and look in the shops.

Make candied orange ornaments and sugared raspberries I learned about at the White House. 

Quiet time

Dinner

Go ice skating in the Sculpture Garden.

Day 5

Late breakfast

Go to Connecticut Ave to see Gingerbread Village.

Walk to Occupy DC at 15th and K

Quiet time

Dinner—Hanukkah theme with latkes, chicken soup, etc.

Light Hanukkah candles.

Go to a show.

Day 6 (Happy Birthday to me!)

Late Breakfast

Leave around 1:30 or so for White House visit

Quiet time

Easy Dinner at home or out (leftovers?)

SpeakeasyDC Storytelling (Like The Moth)

Karaoke?

More Holiday Decorating Ideas:

• Fun No-Bake Gingerbread House and Great Icing Recipe
• Get Ideas from These Awesome Gingerbread Houses

More Holiday Cooking Ideas:

• Fabulous Healthy Recipes

Holiday Gift Ideas:

• 7 Books for Lasting Gifts and Delightful Holiday Reading
• Unique and Jazzy Gifts for Everyone on Your List

More Holiday Entertaining Ideas:

• Entertaining Martha Stewart with Fun, Style and Ease? Tips from Someone Who Did
• Pre-Party Checklist Helps De-Stress
• Awesome Vegan Dinner Guests Help Prepare
• DIY Centerpieces, Entertaining Tips, Moist Turkey, Vegetarian Recipes
• 10 Ways Twitter Can Help you Entertain