How Couples Resolve The Thermostat Wars & Other Domestic Battles

When I visit my mom in Florida, I always feel hot, so I tell her to dress warmly when she goes to sleep and I blast the air conditioner. Though I worry she'll catch a cold, she gets sick less than most people I know. 

My ex and I had wars, but not about the thermostat. Recently I asked some friends how they resolve disagreements over temperature in the home, the kind of bed they sleep on and other aspects of daily life. Here are their responses.

Linda and Rich:

The last one to go to sleep (ME!) sets the temperature!!! I have been hot all my life, Rich is always dressed like he is camping ... all he is missing is a fleece hat and mittens!

Sharon and Dan:

Ever since menopause, I haven't been able to tolerate a warm home. Dan, of course, thinks it feels like the Arctic. So I bought an electric heated mattress pad with dual controls. I never turn my side on and now we're both happy.

Annie and Jim:

The thermostat. Jim likes the window open in the bedroom in case of carbon monoxide poisoning. This occasionally freezes me out but I live with it as his fears have rubbed off on me.

Eating. Jim never eats breakfast and I always do. I feel like his mother, extolling the virtues of a healthy start to the day so he sometimes begrudgingly takes a banana. He drinks a full pot of coffee daily and I drink none. I nag about this too.

Dinner time. I make healthy complete dinners. He'll arrive home around 7:30 and then needs down time to relax while I am ravenous and just want to eat! I can't get why he does not want to eat without "relaxing" first.

His form of relaxation is either blowing leaves or vacuuming. It drives me crazy! He never overeats (I do all the time).

Bed and Bedding. I love the pillow top mattress on the bed. Jim does not but he has accepted my refusal to remove it. We sleep with our dog and cat and both are OK with that.

I like to read in bed and he watches TV. He never reads with me nor do I watch TV with him. We are OK with each other's habits.

The bed is feminine, lots of lacey pillows and a quilt I made. There is nothing masculine and he does not seem to notice. [Author's note: Jim is a guy's guy. I once saw him after a run, in his soccer shorts and socks, sprawled across the frilly bed with dolls around the room, watching football.]

Sheets. We have the same 2 sets of sheets that we have had for 25 years. I rotate them every 2 weeks. If Jim had to say what they look like, he wouldn't be able to, he's oblivious to that kind of thing. Jim does not care much about the décor of the bedroom. His requirements are that it is neat and there is no cat litter on the rug (hence all the vacuuming!).

Ruth and Jack:

Jack and I always disagree on the temperature. In our apartment, we have no thermostat, so I used to keep the AC on in the bedroom year-round. My compromise is to turn on only the fan.  He complains bitterly, but I tell him to warm up under the covers. In hotels, it's a game of who goes to sleep later, who gets up during the night, who gets up earlier in the morning, etc. 

Jack would probably prefer a different décor, but it's not an option. [Author's note: Jack moved into Ruth's apartment several years after her husband died.]  He just keeps spreading out into more closet space and I have to keep condensing his space.  He fills closets with empty boxes, which drives me crazy.

Frank is just too damned agreeable. The absolute only thing he cares about is that I close the drawers. He can tolerate an unmade bed, newspapers lying across the sheets, lights left on, the thermostat too high, but if the drawers are open, he will gather himself together, and say, "Tootsie, can I please ask you just this one thing... " and I answer before he goes any further, "Yes, I know, the drawers are open. Sorry." [Author's note: Believe it or not, this is true.]

Whether you live with a spouse, partner, child, friend, parent, please let us know how you resolve the thermostat and other wars.

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