My Husband's Final Days at Home and His Funeral: Beth's Story Continues (Part 3)

I want to die at home on my own bed, the way my husband David died.

Eventually, because they didn't want him to get bedsores, Hospice put a gel pad over his side of the bed.

I needed to make sure he knew I was there. So I always slept right up against him with my face against his cheek. He had to be turned every half hour all night long, so then I had to shift every half hour.

He always knew I was right there; I also wanted to be right there when he died. He died on a Saturday. Friday night we all went to my mother's for dinner. We were having dessert when the aide called to say, "I think you should come home right away."

His breathing got better. One son wouldn't go in the room. The other played computer games.

David died a little after 3 the following day. The nurse and my sister were each holding a pulse and I was up against him, as always, my cheek against his.

The previous day I had told him he could let go, I knew he was trying to hold on and that it was too hard for him. I said, "You know I'm strong and I will take care of the kids and we will be okay."

Later that day, quite unexpectedly, we settled the medical malpractice lawsuit relating to various acts of negligence that led to his premature death at the age of 53. I guided his hand in signing an X.

"We got them Babe," I said.

Just before he died, I could hear his lungs fill with fluid. He tried to smile and I smiled and said, "I love you Baby," and he died. 

He died with his eyes and mouth open. I tried to close his eyes, they wouldn't close and his mouth wouldn't close. You could smell death in the room.

In the funeral home, they used glue to close David's eyes and mouth shut. I dressed him, which was very satisfying. I had to phone my sons for step-by-step directions to tie his tie the way he liked it. He wore just socks, no shoes.

Just before the funeral, I put the stuff he wanted from the kids into the coffin.

David had spent a lot of time over the years collecting things with the kids, like Cabbage Patch Kids with his daughter. He took the boys to yard sales and fairs to find He-Man, Transformers and Beanie Babies. 

My son wanted to keep the first Beanie Baby they'd bought together, because it was so dear to him, but felt that was the right one to put in the coffin with his father and finally he decided to part with it.

Right before they closed the coffin, I noticed David's lips were really chapped. So I took out my Kiehl's lip balm and put some on him.

Each of the children had some time alone with the coffin to say their own good-byes.

Then the rock and roll music David had chosen, for when guests arrived, started playing.

What comforting rituals or ways to personalize a funeral have you heard about?

Read more of Beth's story (note that names have been changed):

Caring for my Dying Husband at Home

After my Husband Died, Dealing With His Possessions

He Asked, "Am I Going to Die?" I Had to Tell Him, "Yes, You Are."

See also another woman's story:

Divorce, Downsizing, Dating & Death

Yet another related story, my personal one:

Can You Help my Mother Express Herself?