Parenting a parent can become more difficult after one of your elderly parents dies. My 87-year-old mother became disoriented and depressed after my father died. He had lovingly done everything for her, but in the process, he also disempowered her. With anti-depressant medication, psychotherapy and four months' time, Mom cheered up and lived 5 more splendid years.
With aging parents living longer and distances between where we and our folks live increasing, boomers caring for their mothers and fathers face challenges. Nearly 40 percent of those aged 45 and older consider themselves elder care providers. If you are an only child with limited funds and have a minor child living at home, you have your hands full.
I was lucky. My parents lived in an independent living facility, where they enjoyed activities and a coterie of friends as well as meals. They were happy there due to the ease of life and the companionship of others.
Adding to those golden years was their willingness to play bingo as well as to attend book talks. Participation in the activities was key and participation was in both of my parents' natures.
During Mom's illnesses and after Dad died, it was so helpful to have two siblings. Because we shared the load, parenting a parent became easier. We lived in three different places, but my brother did all the paperwork, my sister lived closest and handled medication and visits.
I called every day for long conversations and flew to Florida to spend a weekend with my mom every month.
Last year, we moved Mom up North to die in a nursing home near my brother's family; my daughter and I went with her on the 24-hour road trip in a medical van. It was a great adventure, which included my mom's reminiscences.
Above all, for those caring for elderly parents, I suggest trying to remember the person—your parent—that you are knocking yourself out to help. Enrich the experience with quality time, if you can—and I know that isn't easy—but even a mindset of finding some joy in caring for your parent will payoff now and for the rest of your life.
My niece polished my mom's nails and reminisced with her about their shared memories. My sister-in-law read books to Mom. Sometimes we just sat together.
If interested, you can read about the road trip with Mom and my daughter, 2 months before Mom died on my blog Confessions of a Worrywart. For links to other articles about death and dying as well as relationships and travel and healthy food recipes, see my bio.
See also:
*Are You Having Less Sex Than You Think You Should? One Women's Story
*50 Time-Saving Tips From Smart, Busy Women
*Joyce Maynard Adopted Two Girls From Ethiopia Then Gave Them Up
*Quirky dog Names and Funny Dog Photos
*Dating After My Husband Died: Widow With Cancer Moves On
*Yoga Exercises To Do At Home To Relieve Stress And Pain
*Last Week My Mom Died; This Week I Celebrated Her Life
*Make A Hospital Room More Homey Than Home
*Organizing Your Affairs Before You Die: Advice From A 29-Year-Old Orphan
