Should Couples Have Separate Bedrooms: The Answer May Surprise You

I've begun to wonder whether there are more women than men who favor separate bedrooms for couples. Recently at dinner with a couple I've known for decades, the wife said, "I'm in favor of separate bedrooms, but he won't agree to it."

I'm so grateful to readers who continue to weigh in on my article "Should Couples Have Separate Bedrooms? Weigh In!" 

When I moved out of my parents' home after college, my mother immediately had my room (which I had always insisted be pink)painted yellow. As soon as the paint was dry, she moved in there from the master bedroom she had always shared with my father, and they never again shared a bedroom, including when they traveled. The parents of each of my husbands each slept in twin beds. But I have another contemporary (mid-60s) whose parents shared a double bed for their entire married lives. Most of the young people I know seem to prefer a queen bed, at least in the early years. I always preferred a king and always shared a bed with my husbands and partners. In fact, my husband to whom I was married for 21 years died in our bed and boyfriends thereafter slept in the same bed. I finally got a new mattress after about 4 years! My kids still refer to it as "Daddy's side of the bed" and "Dad's night-table."

Separate is my answer. If possible, a Jack and Jill bathroom is nice so there is a "path" to intimacy but also a "path" back to comfort :-)

Why not both? Have 2 separate rooms and then a "lover's room" they use for special occassions.

I've been married for 23 years and me and my husband have been sleeping separately for 5 years because of his snoring and different schedules. I feel bad about my daughter, she thinks there's something wrong, but I explain to her that we love each other and are happier and more true to each other than most married couples we know!

My wife and I will do whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep. I have a hunchback from sleeping on a pull-out couch. We're married. We're parents. We're tired!

I think it is a personal choice. Each couple should do what works for them. For myself, I have my own room across the hallway from my husband's bedroom. Sleeping separately from each other began many years ago when we had a one bedroom apartment and I ended up sleeping on the sofa because of his snoring....and I mean SNORING, and talking/working/arguing in his sleep. When he was trying to start the chain saw during one vivid dream, I finally knew that it was enough, and hit the couch. A couple of years later when we built our own home, we included a bedroom for him and one for me. I must say it was one of the best decisions we've made. When we snuggle it is because we want to be with each other, not because it is the bed we sleep in. We also have our privacy in our own bedrooms. We sleep better and all these things enhance our relationship. It works for us.

I wouldn't dare sleep in another room away from my husband. Falling asleep in his arms and waking up to him are two of the most joyous times of my day. I think this notion is crazy.

Just wait until the hot flashes start!

I would rather sleep with my wife but her snoring has caused us to sleep apart. So far we have found nothing to stop the snoring. Being apart was not easy and at first it caused great strife, but it did actually save the marriage. Snoring is not a good reason to divorce a good person.

Related articles:

• The Thermostat Wars
• Are You Sleeping as Well as You Could?
• Does Your Bed Make You Happy?
• Death of a Husband Series
• The Case for and Againgst Separate Bedrooms: Readers Speak Openly